Lola

For Kids by Kids <3

Where have I been? Apparently, this is not new news but it may be news to you. Gap has launched a line of children's clothing for kids, made by kids. 

Children seem to be bitten by the consumer bug and at least from what you'll see below, seem very much in support of Gap's new venture. And truly, with the economy in the tank and many unemployed, it may be time to put your six year old to work.

 Just saying.....

Gap Unveils New 'For Kids By Kids' Clothing Line

And they say they don't come with instructions....

Technically they are right (I don't know how I feel about they, they come across as knowitalls, but sometimes, just sometimes, I want to be one of the theys....) but I've found a mighty good set I think every parent should have!

While many of you may think these are not very comprehensive, ie, the feeding of the breastfed baby, mum or dad, where they don't include bottle fed babies, to me it's clear. They're saying it's best if Mum breastfeeds but before a bottle, give Dad a go.

Got it?

Aight then. Get your thinking caps on, pen and paper, whatever and get ready to be amazed.

Oh yes, but before you go finish that glass of milk. No need to have it come out your nose now.

I have to say that some of the don'ts have worked wonders for me. When J, Lola or Dahl refused to calm down, a bit o whiskey and placing one finger in each corner of their mouths and lifting into a smile certainly calmed me down. And made me smile.                                                                           

Bonding with baby, or your child over a hot cup of coffee is a FABULOUS idea.

I have, on numerous occasions, tested my children milk bottles by sticking my tongue in to them. This method works incredibly well. In fact, I do it when serving coffee to a friend, or dinner to a dinner guest. Can't be too safe these days with all of those lawsuits flying left and right! 

While this is a beginning please do not allow the donts to disuade you from trying them. Only you know your baby, and let's face it, with desperate times come desperate measures. 

Honey! It's dinner time, whip out that man nipple!

Love, peace and we've hit the gold mine in parenting answers!

LD

Notice*****LD is not advocating use of any of these parenting techniques. Merely displaying them for your viewing pleasure. ( Those attorneys make me say that. Soooo don't do the donts. Okay? Unless you have and it's work, then leave me a message because I've got to hear this.)

FREE MILK! Hoot! Hooters!

er, with gobs of jelly in it? Never you mind those babes nursing at your breasts. Eww. Look at those nasty things! I say wean that bub, whether they be 5 weeks or 5 years, right now and you get yourself fixed up.

Oh yes. And first you have to get all smutty with some guys you don't know, but really, we've all done that and gotten nothing for it so this is a step up!
Sound as FABULOUS to you as it does to me? Then get yourself all pretttied up, and head on over to Myfreeimplants.com! Please, head on over there. The girlies run the gamut in age and we're missing someone just like you. Oh, and I'm getting a sick headache just imagining those yucky t*ts of yours. Run! No, that's a worse image, just click on through and join. If yours are anything like mine, they need some uplifting and not the kind just any sweet talker can do......oh I hope they'll have me!
At your service, LD

Hellooooooooo Babysitter!

Hello Kitty. That loveable, ever giving, sweet,we think yet are not sure because she doesn't have a mouth to tell us otherwise, feline has found her voice, though she's still not managed to find a mouth. HK , the robot, is being marketed to parents who have no time to spend with last season's must have accessory, a kid. These rugrats were like a dazzling pair of diamond earrings for a few seasons strait and most of us went and invested in one or two, perhaps a whole collection, only to realize that much like those dalmation puppies, they grow and are no fun in real life. Take note, neither are bunnies. And no, they do not carry baskets full of candy, and carrying one in my purse brought me no luck at Micosukee gaming. And it had all four feet so this was certainly should have been a lucky rabbit. Anyway, all of these accessories become a burden, and so these wonderful people, I don't know who, have decided to help with a talking Hello Kitty. She will take care of them, or entertain them, whichever floats your boat, so you can pretend to go to the grocery store, or that you're having surgery, or watering your plants, and run away. I was thinking of all of my friends who have accessorized with children. Really, when not in public, or being photographed we all do need something, to care for them. Sigh, how's that saying go? 'Everything old is new again?' They'll be en vogue again. And at $6,299.99 she is the perfect stocking stuffer.- LD

I am very good at noticing sublties.

Like these animals. They seem very cliquish to me.

I can't draw a stick figure

Well I can draw a stick figure. Maybe, if I sent it to you, even a kind of cutey one you'd be proud to hang on your frige and say your 3 year old drew it. Anyway I came upon this website and had to share it with you because, well, pun intended, I was floored! And I know you will be too....

go ahead and click on through. make sure to look closely at each photo. notice in the one above how it looks as if some of the observers are standing on short pillars of stone. It's amazing.

happy friday dahls.

LD

The BIG debate

Who has it sweeter? Shiloh or Suri? I want to hear why you think what you think...I'm just confused.

This is the MOST talented person?

A ventriloquist. And of course please do not discount David Hasselhoff. America's on a roll.

He's actually adorable.  Hasselhoff not so much.

LD

Doctor makes housecalls!

Even if you didn't call?

hmm.

That sounds fishy. Oh LD! You MUST stop being so cynical!

So there is a wonderful doctor making the rounds offering free breast exams.  It would simply be silly not to accept them right? He comes right to your door, knocks, asks you if you want him to check for Breast Cancer. If you accept, ( and who wouldn't? you'd be crazy not to!) he tells you that both you and he should go to your bedroom, to use your bed. In  lieu of an exam table, of course. You understand I am sure. These things should not be taken lightly.

Unclothe youself, lay back and let a 'Doctor' who was probably already retired when doctors stopped making housecalls have a lookie. I mean a feel. A good long feel around. I mean, examine your breasts.

No, no lumps! I am in the clear!

Lucky for me. ( and news flash! I was able to catch up on my reading during the exam! loved that war and peace book!)

Anyway for those of you without access to this mammary manipulator, feel free to use these charts and try to do it yourself. Monthly.

Oh yes. And be weary of any 'doctors' that come around offering free breast exams door to door. I hear there was a doctor imposter doing this.  Make certain, just as you would ask a police officer for his badge as ID, that if someone says he is a doctor that he has something identifying him as such, you know, a medical bag, a box of Band- Aids, or possibly a white coat will let you know this person is authentic!

These things will help you identify this individual as a doctor. Now realise that they may not have all of them, but one or two will do.         

Just watching out for my girls!

Now do something special. Go and have your twins checked.

Clean Butt

Is your butt a Clean Butt? You may be surprized by the answer....

I was. Lola Dahl's butt is not a clean butt. At least not a Clean Butt Bidet Spa clean butt. I ran across this lovely, I don't know where, (not in a bathroom thank you) and thought I should help to spread the word. Afterall a happy butt must be a clean butt.

At Clean Butt Bidet Spa they sell bidets.  Butt these aren't your great aunt Mildred's bidet. These are called Spas. A spa for your rear. And I think it's a good idea too. I mean I am often in the bathroom feeling as though I should be doing something and now I will no longer feel as though I am wasting time. (Though I suppose I am wasting time, since it's time for waste and all).

These Spas can be purchased in white or ivory and come in round or elongated seat, with or without a remote. Yes, I said a remote! I do wonder if I could program one of my universal remotes as I hate having a thousand remotes laying around.

The company touts the feeling of increased confidence as you walk through the world knowing that you no longer smell of ass. Compared to those asses using dry toilet paper alone, your ass, having been treated to a spa day, will rank above many peoples' breath. Woooo weeee!

Now you can say,'Kiss my ass!' with a confidence most do not know.

If you think about it this product makes perfect sense. They are marketing to butts. Everyone has one and uses it everyday. We have spa treatments for our hands and feet who don't work nearly as hard as our arse. (Donkeys are hardworkers and often called asses...wonder if someone was thinking about just how hard our butts work and decided,' Now THERE is an animal that works as hard as an ass!, Called a donkey you say? Ridiculous! Let's refer to it as an ass. The workhorse of, er, the Equus family')

So as I was saying, the butt is, often, the butt of many jokes. The butt is used and abused and yet it never fails us. Why not market to the millions of asses about the world? Something just for them? A daily little fix? It's fantabulous!  A real money maker.  So shake your money maker, butt make sure it's a CleanButt first.